I’m leaving my profession this fall after 20 years. I woke up one day knowing it was time.
No big deal for the superheroes of this world, but if you’re at all like me, you’ll understand the tightening of the gut and the shallow breathing that show up occasionally at my house since I made the decision.
Why the tight gut? I think it boils down to a shaky relationship with trust.
Trust that I’ll be able to earn an income. Trust that I’m not just being flaky, fickle, (and a few other great f-words), ungrateful, and irresponsible.
Mostly trust in the goodness of this universe, and in my own instincts, the ones that told me it’s time.
Just about everything we see and hear teaches us to trust Someone Else rather than to trust ourselves, don’t you think?
It’s why we trust doctors who give us 3 minutes (oh sure, that’s enough to diagnose me and take care of my beautiful body, why not?), why we used to trust priests, and why we accept (even without trust) being governed by people who tell untruths as a matter of strategic course.
It’s why we stay too long in jobs and relationships. (I haven’t loved you since the Cuban Missile Crisis. I stayed for the kids. Now I’m staying for the dog.)
It’s why we don’t stand up for ourselves with bosses, clients, and our own families. Not to mention people who come to the door selling lousy cookies, fake hydro contracts, and religious salvation.
It’s why we accept less than we want.
It’s why we don’t leap when we have the urge to leap.
I’m 48. I will go mad if I don’t fully trust myself and this universe at some point.
So I’m going to trust this instinct to change my life, having no idea what will come next. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Do you trust your own instincts? Have you learned something about that along the way?
I’d love to hear.
Thanks to All Things Good, and thank you for the conversation,
kristin
Thanks for this. Very well-put and timely (for me). I think (hope!) that the first step is the hardest. I appreciate all the great work you’re putting out there!
When you post I get excited, like you’ve written me a letter. Your voice is powerful and it speaks to me.
I’m learning (after taking the leap 29 days ago) that I have to remind myself, most days, that I am OK, that I am not falling, that I have worth, and that no matter what today looks like, trusting myself is the shortest way to being myself…accessing all of the gifts that I uniquely bring to the table. There is pain in transition, and even when truth inspires action we still get to suffer along the way. Rome wasn’t built in a day, comes to mind a lot. So, I am learning to stay on the ride, rain or shine, brick by brick.
i’m 27 and am learning how HUGE trusting yourself is. Some days I have it, and some days I don’t. The best moments in my life are when I totally trust myself. I wish it was easy to keep it consistent!
I have given up a good job in London and am leaving the love of my life, to fly to Kenya for a new career in something that has no safety net…problem is, like you, I just knew it was the right thing to do.
So just thought I would let you know, you’re not alone, and I’m glad I read your blog.
x
I’m working to get off anxiety/depression medication (with my doctor’s permission) after a bout of depression. I have only been on the medication for a year and a half and it served me well, but getting off of it hasn’t been easy. Today I had a friend do Reiki on me. During that treatment I had a conversation with myself that resulted in me realizing that I had done the therapy, read many helpful and meaningful books, started yoga, learned Reiki, etc., etc and now it was time to trust myself -that taking this step of getting off the medication is next in the evolution of me and I was giving myself permission to do it. It’s been an evening of peace. Trust and permission are very strong. I am new to your blog and I’m enjoing it. Good luck with your endeavors and to all who have their toe in the water…
Deborah,
Thanks so much for your note. I’ve been with many, many people through your transition. I wonder if i can suggest adding patience to your wonderful mix of qualities. Sometimes the trip takes a little longer than we want. If you want it, you’ll get there, though. You sound as though you’re in a great place with it. All the best, and thanks so much for joining the conversation.
I stumbled on to your Yoga Journal blog about beginners mind, loved your perspective (I had the experience of enjoying my triangle pose just this morning so I could relate). I searched for you on Facebook and am so happy to have found your website.
All of your comments that I’ve read have brought a smile to my face and a lightness to my heart. I just want to say thank you!! Namaste.
Liz,
Welcome to all of this, and thanks for your words. Namaste back at you.